Reflection
by xredxrainx
Summary: TLJ spoilers - Rey tries to meditate. It doesn't go well, as always. [Oneshot]


**AN:** Good evening, everyone. So before you jump into this, be warned that there are _**heavy spoilers for the plot of The Last Jedi**_. If you don't want to be spoiled, do not read ahead. Also: note that I have not edited this as I am extremely tired. I'll revise it tomorrow after work and post an updated version. Probably. No promises though. The other note is, first SW story so, be aware that I'm still learning the lore, and might have some stuff completely wrong. With that out of the way, enjoy.

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 ** **Reflection****

One breath. Two breath. Three -

Meditating had never been her forte. Luke had tried to teach her that to get her to calm her nerves, and it did nothing. The ripples in her heart were not from herself, they were from another being. The walls she had built in the last few weeks were crumbling to nothing. It was… odd. She wanting nothing more than to forget about him and everything that she had learned of him. It was easier to view him as Kylo Ren the monster, not Ben Solo, the broken __man__.

His heart was filled with anxiety and betrayal. All of it was arrowed at her, that she knew. The man was anything but subtle about his feelings, and he was leaving it all bare. Maybe it was to try and make her feel bad about not taking up his proposal. He wanted her to be with him… she could have had the belonging she had been searching for. But… what he wanted was wrong, and she would never agree with what he was doing.

Even though Kylo Ren had only been the First Order's leader for a little less than a month, they were ripping through the Resistance like it was just butter. It didn't help that Leia was in a coma, and no one was sure if she would ever awake again. The air battle she had been involved in had caused her damage… that much was for sure. The Resistance was weak once more; without their leader. Poe and Finn had stepped up some, but Hondo had stepped up to take Leia's place for the moment. It was easy to see that cracks were beginning to form. While Hondo was a brilliant leader, she still paled in comparison to Leia who, while she never actually became a Jedi, excelled in the Force.

Ten breaths. Eleven breaths. Twelve -

' _ _Has that ever really worked?__ '

And suddenly, Rey was taken to another world. She found herself in the dark quarters of Kylo Ren's room. He was sitting up against the bed, once again shirtless, and was studying her. He looked thoughtful for a moment before he rested his head on his hand. He looked… tired. Very much so. Like he had not gotten sleep in years. Rey could not help but feel the same.

She was yet to be trained in the Force, and willpower alone was not enough to keep him locked away. No doubt he had been silently digging away at her defenses, which did not help either. Rey looked down, willing herself out of the dream-like state Kylo Ren had trapped her into. Only for it not to work. It was his, now.

"Rey," he reached out for her, only for her to wince, and his hand crumbled instantly, "Where are you?"

She barked out a dry laugh, unamused at his question. Did he really think she was so foolish to answer such a question? Did he really view her as being that stupid.

"You know I don't. I am merely curious of __your__ whereabouts. You know I will tear this galaxy apart to find you, Rey."

"Get out of my head, __Ben__ ," she snapped, venom coating her tone as she glared harshly at him, "You have __no right__ to be here."

"Oh, but I do, Rey," he said softly, "I know you miss me, for whatever reason…"

"I have barely spent ten minutes with you," the scavenger scoffed, crossing her arms and looking away defiantly, "Don't act like you know me."

Ben strolled across the room and chuckled, before they flitted back over to her warmer room. It made her feel more comfortable now, that she was in her own environment. She sucked in a heavy breath before she turned away. She wished she could shut him out again, but it forced so much concentration. The bond was as natural as breathing, and her denying it was so difficult. The only problem with letting go is that Ben has access to her head, which is not a good thing for her. She turned around, facing away from him.

She opened her mouth, unsure of what she can say, so she just spoke what she thought: "Why can't you leave me alone? We aren't on the same side anymore… you refuse to come back to us, and I won't join you. Not like this."

Ben was quiet for a moment, and Rey could feel that he was pondering over her words. He was a good listener, Rey knew. He listened to her when she spoke, and he always told her the truth. He was not a liar in her eyes. Nor a monster… Even if that is what she had wanted to think. The feelings swirling in her chest were true, not something concocted by Snoke in order to control Ben. Ben was not able to be controlled, and he killed Snoke.

Still, one thing she was unsure of…

"Why did you kill him?" she asked softly, "Was it just to get power?"

He was silent for a few moments before he mumbled, "Power was there, originally. I knew I would strike down Snoke one day, but… No. It wasn't just for that. The thought of you not being… here… well. That was enough to make me cut him down much earlier than I had originally planned. Our bond is still intact… that should state enough, shouldn't it?"

Rey nodded. It was… more than a lot of people had done for her. Her own parents had sold her off in order to drink through their sorrows, and they ended up dying alone in the deserts of Jakku. It was a fitting death, really. Rey, while she had wished she remembered her parents back then, now realised that maybe some things were better off not known. Her parents were no doubt horrible to her, if they were willing to sell her off for grog.

Ben had been the one to give her the answer she had always wanted. She was grateful to him for that, and their bond allowed her to know that he was not lying about it. The man did care for her, she had to admit. However, a part of her felt that it was misplaced feelings; that he just wanted power from her. But when she searched his feelings… it was nothing like that. It really confused her.

For the longest while, she had thought he was some creature in a mask. He was a being that had harmed her in the past… And who had killed his own father. But Rey understood now. It had not gotten better for Ben, when he had ended his father's life. It had just made him more conflicted, and did not throw him into the deep end like he had originally wanted. Ben really was a complicated person, in her opinion.

"Snoke thought he was control, when he wasn't. He just gave me more than a reason to strike out. A chance, dare I say it," Ben mumbled.

Rey glanced over at him, and she did not realise that he had become so close. Gently, he intertwined their fingers, and she was in such a shock that she did not pull away right away.

"This is what I wanted…" he said softly, "I don't want you to go the Dark. Your Light has been what guided you to me…"

And as quickly as he said that, Rey snatched her hand away, and the vision faded abruptly. She locked him out again. Taking a deep breath Rey looked down, and felt the tinge of agony through their bond before it faded to numbness. The emptiness. If he kept this up, she really would be tempted. Rey laid back down against her blankets, staring up at the ceiling.

Her concentration needed to stay intact, or she will feel more for him, and be unable to make the choices she needs to make. She squeezed her eyes shut as soon as the tears formed. … But a part of her wanted to be with him. He made her whole, and now? She was just… numb. She had not realized that their bond would take such a toll on her.

 _ _Why can't it be easy__?


End file.
